Things I Hate

Given the popularity of things I hate videos and things I like videos, I decided to make a list of my own. Naturally I must start with things I hate, because its much more my style.

Things I Hate:
I hate the little twist tie on loaves of bread.....I always lose it and the bread gets stale

I hate when people post statuses on Facebook about what they are actually doing, nobody gives a shit if you went to the gym and met you're boyfriend for lunch- save it for twitter

I hate women drivers....move the hell over to the right lane if your going to go the exact speed limit

I hate parents that think their child is exceptional and special......they are not, teach them to sac up-its a tough world out there

I hate finding an item without a barcode at self check out and the mechanical voice that tells me an attendant has been notified to assist me.....I don't need assistance, thats why I'm doing SELF check out

I hate when girls only wear a sports bra to the gym, and then do a pitiful workout......The rest of us mere mortals get it okay. You're hot

I hate when people name their child Jesus or Angel......Anyone named Jesus will end up in a prison gang and anyone named Angel will end up on 16 and pregnant, not in Mark or Luke

I hate when people listen to music through headphones at a volume that is still audible to other people......you would be cooler if you just carried a boom box on your shoulder circa 1995

I hate when people take up two parking spaces if they have a piece of shit car......do you feel better now?

I hate when people go through airport security wearing a ton of accessories......I DGAF how cute they are, you're still going to have to take the damn things off

I hate Justin Beiber....If he is attractive, then so is Perez Hilton

I hate when people leave a half square of toilet paper on the role and don't put on a new one.....don't worry about the rest of us, we'll use our hands

I hate when people hog the arm rest on the airplane.....statistics would suggest two out of three people are obese and taking up more than their share of surface area on the seat....concede the damn arm rest!

I hate the girl at Starbucks who asks me if I want to make my drink a frappiccino........No, I really don't, and still don't the next day

I hate Hoda and Kathy Lee......they are dumb whores

Miseducation, Commercialized

TV is basically intolerable without a DVR these days because there is a commercial every nine seconds, and the majority of commercials are virtually intolerable, minus the ETrade ones with the talking babies. The most odious of all, however, are the commercials advertising "Get your Degree online!!" with the people singing in tacky caps ands gowns. Every time I see that commercial, I seethe with anger.  No one is that happy or successful that gets an online degree from a for profit institution. DeVry University, College America, or whatever they call those schools these days, should really try to appeal to people by other means than having people acting like they are on LSD. Even people who are unemployed sitting on the couch, watching Judge Judy in the mid morning hours would find such nonsense unappealing. At least the ads for the University of Phoenix and the Bel Rea Institute make the people that go there look half normal, happy, and not like child molesters straight out of the Reading Rainbow.

It is difficult enough for people with degrees from real, accredited universities to get jobs these days, so much as people that get degrees from Rent-a-Degree schools. I wish that they would stop making those people on those commercials look so damn happy. They will not be happy when they get their online degree. They will still be unemployed, watching judge judy, in their pajamas, only with a pile of student debts. 

The only thing that would make these commercials for online educations any better was if they edited that commercial to have some real unemployed person in this terrible job market come out with their ears bleeding, punch that girl in her stupid slippers in the face, and scream "psych!!!"

When I Feel Bad About Myself..........

If there was a love button, I would love it

House Hunting Woes

As I grow older in life, I find more things that I enjoy, and more things that i don't particularly care for. One of the latter is searching for an apartment to rent. It is always exciting to begin a search for a new place because its, new, fresh, hip-or none of those things. Craigslist makes these places appear extremely sexy, but most of the advertising is a crock load of shit. Pictures of places make them look like well finished immaculate palaces, but upon arrival one finds odd smells, textures, loiters and linoleum floors dating back to 1975.

Amongst the many irritations of apartment hunting are are the hidden costs that they don't like to tell you until you show up, then its just awkward. One of the show people today, or whatever their official title is proceeded to say, "ya, you pay for all the utilities, its like um 200 a month, so....do you like it?' I wanted to tell her no, and I don't like you or your fake tan either, but I refrained. Another thing is that all of these places tell you that you cant have dogs, but the house smells mysteriously like PetsMart. My main gripe with all of it is how tiring it is. I feel like I should be paid for searching for an apartment for myself. I prefer being whacked in the knees with tennis balls at my paying job. The best part is filling out the application and paying them to do a background and credit check on you. From my perspective, its up to them to make sure no bankrupt tweaker sex offender ends up in their property. I also wonder if my identity will be stolen when i put my social, bank info, credit card number, address, and vehicle info on a piece of paper for a place i may not even live in. Sketch much?

I suppose the moral of this story is that I should hire a real estate agent, but I don't have any money nor any credit established, so that option is off the table. I will trudge on attempting to find the ever illusive perfect apartment.......

Todays Oxymoron

Semi Bored Kind of Life

As of recently, I have been delinquent in my blog posting largely because my life post graduation has been about as exciting as a week old saltine cracker. While most people are moving on to their new exciting jobs and lives rather immediately, I am stuck in a two month limbo back at home with my parents, working at the job that i have done in the summer for the past four years. I mean, its not a bad job theoretically and I have learned several valuable lessons such as:
1) I will never like anyone else's children
2) I could never work in retail telling people that clothes that look terrible look good
3) Working outdoors in the sun greatly increases the risk of sunburn, and consequently, melanoma

I am grateful nonetheless that my situation is impermanent and I have something to tell people when they ask me what I am doing with my life. It was very tiring telling people my post grad plan over and over again, and I cant imagine how tiring it would be to tell people that you have no plan and plan to wonder aimlessly until you find a "temporary" job that becomes not so temporary.

The plus side of this lack of stimulation is that my productivity has greatly increased, and I have rediscovered how much better the human body functions without massive alcohol consumption on a daily basis. I ironed clothes for the first time in about a year, ive done meaningful physical activity on a daily basis, cooked food by other means than the microwave, and have started flossing again. Listing these I realize that these are things mentally challenged people master first in learning life skills. I am making great strides towards adulthood.