Nailed It

Female Drivers

There are some stereotypes that aren't really stereotypes, just truths. One of these is the fact that women are for the most part terrible drivers. Every time you are driving in the left lane, and there is a person who absolutely refuses to move over in the right lane when the are moving at a snails pace........it is a woman 99.9 percent of the time. If its not a woman, its the elderly dude whom you feel somewhat sorry for.

Women are also more distracted drivers. I have found in my very scientific observations that women always text while driving-whereas men do it more sparingly. Not only do women text, but they also eat, put on make up, read and do god knows what else while behind the wheel. I venture to guess that this is because women are more geared toward multitasking than men. At any rate, it makes them bad drivers. My mother is a prime example of this phenomena. I would say that every time we go somewhere in a car she forgets where she is even going and makes a wrong turn. She puts on lip gloss, talks on the phone and fiddles with crap in her purse. She also speeds at the worst possible times, like in school zones, but then insists on going the speed limit on the highway. WTF?  The real kicker is that she says she is scared to drive with me. This would be perfectly understandable because I tend to be a somewhat aggressive driver, but she doesn't even watch the road.

Another factor contributing to women's lack of success with driving is their total ignorance of directions. If you live somewhere for any extended period of time, you should know major highways and streets. Most people who graduated the third grade should also how to orient themselves north, south, east, or west. I found it fascinating that some women I knew struggled with this when there are mountains or an ocean. Those speaking direction gps systems were invented for women.

In summation, women are better at many things that men. Driving is not one of those things

One Liners.....my favorite

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2LC88B/www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/21-scathingly-witty-insults-by-famous-people

Things I Hate

Given the popularity of things I hate videos and things I like videos, I decided to make a list of my own. Naturally I must start with things I hate, because its much more my style.

Things I Hate:
I hate the little twist tie on loaves of bread.....I always lose it and the bread gets stale

I hate when people post statuses on Facebook about what they are actually doing, nobody gives a shit if you went to the gym and met you're boyfriend for lunch- save it for twitter

I hate women drivers....move the hell over to the right lane if your going to go the exact speed limit

I hate parents that think their child is exceptional and special......they are not, teach them to sac up-its a tough world out there

I hate finding an item without a barcode at self check out and the mechanical voice that tells me an attendant has been notified to assist me.....I don't need assistance, thats why I'm doing SELF check out

I hate when girls only wear a sports bra to the gym, and then do a pitiful workout......The rest of us mere mortals get it okay. You're hot

I hate when people name their child Jesus or Angel......Anyone named Jesus will end up in a prison gang and anyone named Angel will end up on 16 and pregnant, not in Mark or Luke

I hate when people listen to music through headphones at a volume that is still audible to other people......you would be cooler if you just carried a boom box on your shoulder circa 1995

I hate when people take up two parking spaces if they have a piece of shit car......do you feel better now?

I hate when people go through airport security wearing a ton of accessories......I DGAF how cute they are, you're still going to have to take the damn things off

I hate Justin Beiber....If he is attractive, then so is Perez Hilton

I hate when people leave a half square of toilet paper on the role and don't put on a new one.....don't worry about the rest of us, we'll use our hands

I hate when people hog the arm rest on the airplane.....statistics would suggest two out of three people are obese and taking up more than their share of surface area on the seat....concede the damn arm rest!

I hate the girl at Starbucks who asks me if I want to make my drink a frappiccino........No, I really don't, and still don't the next day

I hate Hoda and Kathy Lee......they are dumb whores

Miseducation, Commercialized

TV is basically intolerable without a DVR these days because there is a commercial every nine seconds, and the majority of commercials are virtually intolerable, minus the ETrade ones with the talking babies. The most odious of all, however, are the commercials advertising "Get your Degree online!!" with the people singing in tacky caps ands gowns. Every time I see that commercial, I seethe with anger.  No one is that happy or successful that gets an online degree from a for profit institution. DeVry University, College America, or whatever they call those schools these days, should really try to appeal to people by other means than having people acting like they are on LSD. Even people who are unemployed sitting on the couch, watching Judge Judy in the mid morning hours would find such nonsense unappealing. At least the ads for the University of Phoenix and the Bel Rea Institute make the people that go there look half normal, happy, and not like child molesters straight out of the Reading Rainbow.

It is difficult enough for people with degrees from real, accredited universities to get jobs these days, so much as people that get degrees from Rent-a-Degree schools. I wish that they would stop making those people on those commercials look so damn happy. They will not be happy when they get their online degree. They will still be unemployed, watching judge judy, in their pajamas, only with a pile of student debts. 

The only thing that would make these commercials for online educations any better was if they edited that commercial to have some real unemployed person in this terrible job market come out with their ears bleeding, punch that girl in her stupid slippers in the face, and scream "psych!!!"

When I Feel Bad About Myself..........

If there was a love button, I would love it