The DMV

It is entirely debatable if Disneyland is the best place on Earth, BUT the worst place on earth is most definitely the DMV. I recently had the pleasure of going to the DMV and rediscovered that the acronym actually stands for Degenerate. Minority. Vagrants. The DMV could easily be confused with the zoo, so if you are looking to save money, bring your kids to the DMV for free. I sat next to a lovely person who was getting their license renewed after getting a DUI. The person on the other side of me was 16 and rocking her newborn child back and forth and screaming at who I presumed to be the meth addict father on the other side. I feel sorry for these people, I really do, but the sheer concentration in the DMV is overwhelming. Everyone at the DMV is likely on their way to the welfare office after they stop at the DMV.

The people that work at the DMV take the term work very loosely. I would say their productivity rate is about that of 5lb dog. The only time they actually start calling numbers is when it is getting close to their lunch break or when they are ready to go home. They just sit there and get through about one number an hour. I think they should be paid more, although our state has no money because then perhaps they would feel compelled to be productive. If i worked there I would probably hide in the bathroom or broom closet all day too. People show up to the DMV asking for a drivers license who have no proof of identity or address. 

Next time I lose my ID, I think I'll take my chances

The school of law

It has taken me several weeks to gather my bearings in law school and to begin to make observations regarding the bizarre things that occur. Generally, people in law school are relatively normal. They tend to enjoy normal people things like drinking alcohol and complaining about how hard life is. Some people on the other hand don't have a stick up their ass-they have a spiked pole up their ass. Take for example a girl whom sits behind me in my contracts class. The other day she answered affirmatively to a question about the case at issue and the professor told her, "there is a better and shorter answer to that question, NO." Instead of cowering down in her seat and lowering the chair to become invisible as most normal people should know to do, this chick decides to argue with the professor because it was unfathomable that she could answer incorrectly. What an idiot. In the same class discussion the professor said, "this is a purely rhetorical question,"and the kid from China's hand shot up like a bat out of hell. Now, if he doesn't know what rhetorical means, fine, (then why he is in law school) but presuming that he does WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU RAISE YOUR HAND??? Rhetorical questions are not meant to be answered. In the few instances the professor lets everyone in the class off the hook by asking such a question, you keep your mouth shut tighter than a nun's legs.

Another girl with glitter nails that looked like something your food comes from at taco bell entered class the other day and asked why everyone had a handout. I looked at her, probably disgustedly, and explained that we had a handout because sometimes professors give handouts when the want you to do something, and sometimes in law school there is work to do. I felt very confident at that point knowing that people like her are competing against me.

Generally speaking, law school is like middle school. Everyone has a locker and everyone is constantly comparing themselves to everyone else.

Ways to mitigate the debt crisis in America

Throw the Tea Party members off the side of a boat, it achieved results in the Boston Tea Party, rinse and repeat

Take all the professional sports teams salaries and use them to pay off government debt-they can stay locked out all year and we can continue to write social security checks for one more year (maybe)

Do not pay Congress or the President a salary, they have spent countless months focusing on a manufactured crisis, yet have not manufactured a solution

Censor news media stations that legitimize the bipartisan toils and inane blather, allowing them to continue to refuse compromise, despite the fact that the United States governments essential purpose is compromise

Do not treat the United States budget as a macrocosm of a family budget. It is not the same thing. The whole element of consumer spending and confidence is rather crucial, consumption and spending is done by more than the wealthiest 4 percent of people in the country. It is done by the middle class. Do not piss them off

There is no way for the government to raise enough money to continue to fund the same programs without raising taxes from someone. There just isn't, so somebody's going to have to pay more

Nailed It

Female Drivers

There are some stereotypes that aren't really stereotypes, just truths. One of these is the fact that women are for the most part terrible drivers. Every time you are driving in the left lane, and there is a person who absolutely refuses to move over in the right lane when the are moving at a snails pace........it is a woman 99.9 percent of the time. If its not a woman, its the elderly dude whom you feel somewhat sorry for.

Women are also more distracted drivers. I have found in my very scientific observations that women always text while driving-whereas men do it more sparingly. Not only do women text, but they also eat, put on make up, read and do god knows what else while behind the wheel. I venture to guess that this is because women are more geared toward multitasking than men. At any rate, it makes them bad drivers. My mother is a prime example of this phenomena. I would say that every time we go somewhere in a car she forgets where she is even going and makes a wrong turn. She puts on lip gloss, talks on the phone and fiddles with crap in her purse. She also speeds at the worst possible times, like in school zones, but then insists on going the speed limit on the highway. WTF?  The real kicker is that she says she is scared to drive with me. This would be perfectly understandable because I tend to be a somewhat aggressive driver, but she doesn't even watch the road.

Another factor contributing to women's lack of success with driving is their total ignorance of directions. If you live somewhere for any extended period of time, you should know major highways and streets. Most people who graduated the third grade should also how to orient themselves north, south, east, or west. I found it fascinating that some women I knew struggled with this when there are mountains or an ocean. Those speaking direction gps systems were invented for women.

In summation, women are better at many things that men. Driving is not one of those things

One Liners.....my favorite

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2LC88B/www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/21-scathingly-witty-insults-by-famous-people

Things I Hate

Given the popularity of things I hate videos and things I like videos, I decided to make a list of my own. Naturally I must start with things I hate, because its much more my style.

Things I Hate:
I hate the little twist tie on loaves of bread.....I always lose it and the bread gets stale

I hate when people post statuses on Facebook about what they are actually doing, nobody gives a shit if you went to the gym and met you're boyfriend for lunch- save it for twitter

I hate women drivers....move the hell over to the right lane if your going to go the exact speed limit

I hate parents that think their child is exceptional and special......they are not, teach them to sac up-its a tough world out there

I hate finding an item without a barcode at self check out and the mechanical voice that tells me an attendant has been notified to assist me.....I don't need assistance, thats why I'm doing SELF check out

I hate when girls only wear a sports bra to the gym, and then do a pitiful workout......The rest of us mere mortals get it okay. You're hot

I hate when people name their child Jesus or Angel......Anyone named Jesus will end up in a prison gang and anyone named Angel will end up on 16 and pregnant, not in Mark or Luke

I hate when people listen to music through headphones at a volume that is still audible to other people......you would be cooler if you just carried a boom box on your shoulder circa 1995

I hate when people take up two parking spaces if they have a piece of shit car......do you feel better now?

I hate when people go through airport security wearing a ton of accessories......I DGAF how cute they are, you're still going to have to take the damn things off

I hate Justin Beiber....If he is attractive, then so is Perez Hilton

I hate when people leave a half square of toilet paper on the role and don't put on a new one.....don't worry about the rest of us, we'll use our hands

I hate when people hog the arm rest on the airplane.....statistics would suggest two out of three people are obese and taking up more than their share of surface area on the seat....concede the damn arm rest!

I hate the girl at Starbucks who asks me if I want to make my drink a frappiccino........No, I really don't, and still don't the next day

I hate Hoda and Kathy Lee......they are dumb whores