Things that Don't Make Sense

There are a lot of things that don't make sense that have come to my attention the last couple of days. Studying for law school gives my mind some sort of cry for help, and instead of analyzing cases and law, I do and notice things that do not make sense. For one, why is there a cotton ball in over the counter drugs? I don't know if it is meant to make it appear that there are more pills in the bottle, or if it is just to give the user cotton mouth so they drink water with the pill. Either way-It's stupid. Also, when I turn the TV on and start watching something that im disgusted by, bored by, or find morally defunct, I CONTINUE to watch it. Why? For example, yesterday evening I turned on the 3rd twilight movie. It was stupid. Vampires are stupid. I continued to watch while all of these thoughts meandered through my head. Its like I want to watch something so mindless that I don't even care if it rots my brain. Another thing- they warned us to save more money for finals time in law school because you will be eating out all of the time. I have found that I have cooked more meals during this period in order to avoid studying. I also sat in my car for a solid 20 minutes collecting trash today- of all time to be doing this. Really? Additionally- why do people check themselves out while they do cardio at the gym? Slash why do they have mirrors by the cardio equipment? To remind you how fat you are. No thanks, I think I'll save myself from realizing how stupid I look and watch TV instead

November First

It is a very pathetic day when your mother's birthday is more exciting than your birthday. This year, for Kathy's birthday we went to Elway's steakhouse for dinner with some of her friends. This place is like discovery zone for cougars and retired persons. Everyone in there is living off of their alimony, their retirement check, or the money they get paid to do absolutely nothing all day; therefore they can buy a nice ribeye and copious amounts of alcohol. People in this category can get bombed on a Tuesday evening, and do nothing productive the next day and no one will notice or care. Getting drunk with 50 somethings with martinis and wine makes me want to be professionally retired.

The best thing that happened is when my father proceeded to tell me his predicament in purchasing Kathy's birthday present over dinner(and a couple of dry martinis). He told me that for her birthday, Kathy wanted a gift certificate for botox. Monte was debating about getting the botox, because Kathy wanted it. He then supposed that perhaps this was a trick and Kathy just wanted to be reassured that she didn't look old. Purchasing botox as a gift is hardly gracious, but rather insulting (especially for a 50 something woman). Monte got the Nordstrom giftcard, which is always a safe bet. On the way home, Kathy(after about a bottle of wine) inquired as to the reason she did not receive the botox coupons. So, the whole analysis we discussed over dinner was useless.

Moral of the story: botox is now a socially acceptable gift

The End of the World

In my absence from the snowy season in Denver the past four years, I have forgotten how people react when a snowstorm is forecasted. The news stations feel the need to flash up to date information on the bottom of the screen for hours upon hours before the snow even starts falling. Then the weather people act like their job is the most important job in the entire world because THEY are alerting everyone its going to snow. People discuss the imminent threat of snow in Denver as though it is the apocalypse. Let me be the first prophet to say.....ITS JUST A SNOWSTORM PEOPLE. People wonder how they will get to work. Well, I would say you should get to work the same way you get to work every other day of the year. Also, people think that if there is snow on the ground, that makes it appropriate to drive 30 miles under the speed limit as though the snow is going to somehow magically propel their ass to work. If that worked, I wouldn't be spending 60 bucks on a tank of gas.

And after all of this....it will probably snow a total of two inches, but everyone will still arrive to wherever they are supposed to be on edge and grouchy, like they were somehow targeted by mother nature. All everyone will talk about all day is how long it will take them to get home. No one cares, leave early. BUT if the ski resorts don't get any snow, there is more whining and complaining. Can't have your cake and eat it too.

Colorado Proud

De Evolution

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The DMV

It is entirely debatable if Disneyland is the best place on Earth, BUT the worst place on earth is most definitely the DMV. I recently had the pleasure of going to the DMV and rediscovered that the acronym actually stands for Degenerate. Minority. Vagrants. The DMV could easily be confused with the zoo, so if you are looking to save money, bring your kids to the DMV for free. I sat next to a lovely person who was getting their license renewed after getting a DUI. The person on the other side of me was 16 and rocking her newborn child back and forth and screaming at who I presumed to be the meth addict father on the other side. I feel sorry for these people, I really do, but the sheer concentration in the DMV is overwhelming. Everyone at the DMV is likely on their way to the welfare office after they stop at the DMV.

The people that work at the DMV take the term work very loosely. I would say their productivity rate is about that of 5lb dog. The only time they actually start calling numbers is when it is getting close to their lunch break or when they are ready to go home. They just sit there and get through about one number an hour. I think they should be paid more, although our state has no money because then perhaps they would feel compelled to be productive. If i worked there I would probably hide in the bathroom or broom closet all day too. People show up to the DMV asking for a drivers license who have no proof of identity or address. 

Next time I lose my ID, I think I'll take my chances

The school of law

It has taken me several weeks to gather my bearings in law school and to begin to make observations regarding the bizarre things that occur. Generally, people in law school are relatively normal. They tend to enjoy normal people things like drinking alcohol and complaining about how hard life is. Some people on the other hand don't have a stick up their ass-they have a spiked pole up their ass. Take for example a girl whom sits behind me in my contracts class. The other day she answered affirmatively to a question about the case at issue and the professor told her, "there is a better and shorter answer to that question, NO." Instead of cowering down in her seat and lowering the chair to become invisible as most normal people should know to do, this chick decides to argue with the professor because it was unfathomable that she could answer incorrectly. What an idiot. In the same class discussion the professor said, "this is a purely rhetorical question,"and the kid from China's hand shot up like a bat out of hell. Now, if he doesn't know what rhetorical means, fine, (then why he is in law school) but presuming that he does WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU RAISE YOUR HAND??? Rhetorical questions are not meant to be answered. In the few instances the professor lets everyone in the class off the hook by asking such a question, you keep your mouth shut tighter than a nun's legs.

Another girl with glitter nails that looked like something your food comes from at taco bell entered class the other day and asked why everyone had a handout. I looked at her, probably disgustedly, and explained that we had a handout because sometimes professors give handouts when the want you to do something, and sometimes in law school there is work to do. I felt very confident at that point knowing that people like her are competing against me.

Generally speaking, law school is like middle school. Everyone has a locker and everyone is constantly comparing themselves to everyone else.

Ways to mitigate the debt crisis in America

Throw the Tea Party members off the side of a boat, it achieved results in the Boston Tea Party, rinse and repeat

Take all the professional sports teams salaries and use them to pay off government debt-they can stay locked out all year and we can continue to write social security checks for one more year (maybe)

Do not pay Congress or the President a salary, they have spent countless months focusing on a manufactured crisis, yet have not manufactured a solution

Censor news media stations that legitimize the bipartisan toils and inane blather, allowing them to continue to refuse compromise, despite the fact that the United States governments essential purpose is compromise

Do not treat the United States budget as a macrocosm of a family budget. It is not the same thing. The whole element of consumer spending and confidence is rather crucial, consumption and spending is done by more than the wealthiest 4 percent of people in the country. It is done by the middle class. Do not piss them off

There is no way for the government to raise enough money to continue to fund the same programs without raising taxes from someone. There just isn't, so somebody's going to have to pay more